she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
