Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
