First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
