I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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