So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
