I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
