well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
