he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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