Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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