He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize