im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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