I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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