Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
