i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
