So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
