dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize