She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
