highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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