Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
