Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's shark week go big or go home
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
