so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
