What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
