There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
