Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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