Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
