Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
