I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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