apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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