There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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