I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
