Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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