the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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