I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
