Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
