She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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