Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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