OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I think I just sharted jello shots
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize