party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
