I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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