Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
