i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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