Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize