Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
