I'm going to rape someone's good day.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
