Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
