i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
