You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
