wakey wakey hands off snakey
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
