Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
