There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You made out with two different species that night
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
