Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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