addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
