Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
