just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
