Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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