apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
