Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
