i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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