Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
