If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
