Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
