they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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