my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
