this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
