What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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