dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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