Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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