She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
